I finally got home from work and I am trying to relax. I don’t have a job tonight so I can relax. In the other hand, I could really use the money. But I guess that my wellbeing is on top of money.
You could not work in bad health!!
My mental state is a different matter all together. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not become crazy. I’m just mentally and emotionally numb.
Sometimes I ask myself, would this last for ever? Am I the only one in this planet that feels that way?
But them a little part of me says,
“Everything will be ok.”
I think everything started when my ex-wife left me. Just try to visualize ten years of marriage, where you thought everything was going wonderful. And then she disappears on you. Then you found out that she was cheating on you all this years, and she left you with two girls. I was out for two weeks. Thank God for my parents! I guess this would be the reason why I feel the way I feel today.
But I don’t want to feel this way. I want to feel again. I want to look at someone, feel the energy developing inside my heart and sense that this person is feeling the same way too.
I know; you don’t have to tell me. You are going to say that I am describing what happens during Fresh Love. That Fresh Love only happens when you just fell in love with someone. That Fresh Love does not last for ever and it will eventually die. Well, life is been cruel to me because this Fresh Love as you call it usually dies with my partners but it is still fresh on my heart as the first day we met.
Why is that? I don’t understand. You might think I am contradicting myself but truly I am not. When I talk about feeling again, I mean to feel for someone and to sense that that someone feels the same way for you.
This is not hard to understand, right?
Is it so difficult to sense when someone feels something for you?
Is this impossible?
Maybe it is, because obviously I do not count for experience, since I obviously did not feel anything coming from my ex-wife.
But I do know one thing for sure, and that is that live will go on, and this planet will keep turning.